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DOOM MAGNETIC! - CHAPTER THREE:
QOSER’S RETURN
Ugh, my head is spinning. I’m discombobulated. Darkness. I see only darkness. But I hear so much more. A cacophony of sound! Loud booming, shouts, and gunshots echo throughout and rattle my brain.
Suddenly an image appears from out of the darkness. A face. A dirty face, half covered by a black Stetson. He has a lungful of smoke that he exhales straight into my face. Maundin.
Maundin, your eyes are as black as the darkness that surrounds you. I’ll never forget your face, your stench.
You’re mine!
I open my eye and stare at the floorboards. The cue-ball in my left socket is heavy and angles my face towards the floor.
It seems I’ve been greeted by a large green insect, an ant, about the size of my thumb. The ant places one of its filthy legs upon my cheek and twitches its antennae as if it were sniffing at me. I purse my lips and try to blow the vile insect away, to no avail.
The ant travels along my cheek, down to my chin, until finally finding what it had been sniffing for all along. The sweet spot. My severed neck meat.
As I lay here, unable to move, the pest begins to feast upon me. I can feel it digging its head inside me and tearing bits of flesh away, stinging like little pin pricks in my open wound. The more I focus on it, the more I feel as if I am about to lose consciousness. I close my eye.
Ah, the Doom Magnetic!
My eye opens wide.
I won’t be able to tear into it much, as I can only channel my own emotions at the moment, but maybe I can cut a slit just enough for a whisper to slip through.
I extend my tongue as far as I can outside my mouth, and with a single motion, I slowly cut into the atmosphere with the tip of it. I manage to cut a slit about an inch and a half wide.
“Gus?” I call, answered only by silence. “Gus, are you there?” I wait for a response.
“Damn it, man! How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? I go by Gusto…GUS-TOE!” His speech is somewhat difficult to understand since it buried in a barrage of background noise.
“Gusto, you’re right, I apologize. Ah, look buddy, I’m going to have to ask you for a favor…”
“Ha, buddy? You must be in some serious shit, Qoser, to call me that. What do you need?”
“Well, it seems I’ve lost my head…literally. Oh, and I am being eaten alive by a giant paratrechina longicornis.”
He doesn’t answer. Instead, I hear what sounds like several women laughing.
“Gus—uh, Gusto? Are you there?”
“Oh, yeah, hey buddy…I’m kind of busy now. I’ll get ahold of you tomorrow, okay?” He pinches the slit shut before I can say another word.
“Goddamn you, Gus!” I yell. My shouting only attracts the attention of more insects. Soon enough they all find me and hover over my open wound, taking in their share of the buffet.
The only person left I can count on is her…Sourpuss. Or has it been too long? She may be a little upset, but I know she will come for me. She’s too good a person not to come for me.
With really nothing more to lose, I dart out my tongue and reopen the Doom Magnetic.
“Pussy, baby, are you there?”
The slit is pinched closed immediately. This will be a tough sell, but she will come for me. I just may have to do a little explaining…and apologizing.
I tear into the Doom Magnetic again.
“Hey, Sourpuss, baby, I really need your help. I’ve gotten myself in quite the bind…” I dart out my tongue and block her fingers from pinching the slit shut again.
“What the fuck do you want from me, Qoser? Haven’t you already put me through enough?”
“Hey, baby, I know, I know. I’m sorry I haven’t called you in a while. I’ve just been busy lately.”
“Oh really? So, you’re telling me that you have been so busy in the last month that you haven’t had a single second free to get ahold of me, until now?”
I think about it for a second.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I am saying.”
“What about last weekend when you and Gusto got shit-faced in that bar in East Texas? Were you too busy to call me then?”
Goddamn, Gusto.
“It was a government mission, baby. We weren’t even drinking! Remember, we’ve been looking for this…this Maundin character. We absolutely haven’t had any time for partying.”
“Or girlfriends, for that matter.”
“Hey, hey…don’t talk like that, baby. You know I care about you.”
“Oh yeah, well if you care about me so much, then tell me you love me.”
“. . .”
“I’m waiting.”
I look down at the various insects eating away at my oozing neck meat. If this is my only other option, I almost prefer it. Almost…
“I…um…” A lump forms at the top of my throat, a lump that doesn’t allow the words I and love and you to come out in sequential order.
“I…really need your help! I’ve been decapitated! Alien insects are eating away at my flesh! Oh, the horror!” A little overacting to get her heart pumping.
“Oh my god! Qosie, are you alright?”
“I could be…if you were to come and get me. But please hurry, I’m feeling faint.”
“Oh my god, I’ll be there right away!”
“Thanks, baby.”
I smile an evil, furtive smile, then lick the slit sealed.
I count the cracks in the floorboards, passing time, until her arrival.
Paid subscribers! The next chapter of this story will be posted on November 22nd! Stay tuned for A Burst of Environment!
Qoser’s Return
© William Pauley III, 2009
All rights reserved.
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