SLIME NIGHT
by William Pauley III
Crystal Bangor is a whore. She’s done blown the dust out of every boy’s NES cartridge on Mohican Way and next week I hear she’ll be making her way up Cherokee. Girls like that ain’t supposed to be sought after, well, not for anything ‘cept for sexual favors maybe. What I mean to say is girls like Crystal ain’t the type you bring home to meet your mama. Girls like that shouldn’t be the mother of children. Shit, girls like that get pregnant at least five times before they reach their twenties, but never have any babies. Instead they go and get their aunties to take ‘em to go get fetuses scraped out of their wombs and into garbage cans and beg them to not let their parents know. And if they don’t have any silent aunties, then they go about it the DIY way with a good ol’ wire hanger. Wire hangers are world renowned for keeping their silence. Rumor is Crystal’s used the wire hanger a few times - enough to be nicknamed Crystal “The Wire Hanger” Bangor. Bangor. Such an ironic last name for a girl like Crystal. It’s downright cruel of God, if you ask me.
I guess now would be just as good a time as any to mention that Crystal Bangor is the girl of my dreams.
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