From the Desk of William Pauley III
I’m in an incredible amount of pain as I type this, so forgive me if I’m not as bubbly as I have been in week’s past.
In the days since we last spoke, I’ve undergone no less than five surgeries, trying to rid myself of the horrid arachnid anatomy that’s inexplicably appeared on my person since the day I found that cursed fucking book.
Oh, and the guy doing all the cutting—an old acquaintance of mine, Mick the Fixxxer (pictured above)—isn’t a fan of anesthesia of any kind. I’m not sure if it’s a kink of his or something (think Steve Martin’s character in Little Shop of Horrors), but I really had no choice but to go to him. He’s an off-the-grid “man of science” who’s cheap and thorough. He may not be clean… or even legal, but he’ll get the job done, and the American government won’t end up kidnapping me for a lifetime of painful, invasive experiments.
Oh, that’s right—I forgot to mention I’ve made it back to the United States. Earth. Home sweet home. After the incident with Buzz and Romita (the last we’ll ever speak of it), I hijacked their vehicle and went straight home. And man, it’s so good to be back… even if I haven’t gotten to really enjoy it just yet.
I met Mick something like 20 years ago. I was a teenager and got into a little trouble with local law enforcement. They locked me up and Mick was my cellmate for three seemingly never-ending (at the time) days. He refused to tell me anything about himself, even just casual conversation stuff to help pass the time. Instead, I kept catching him taking hair samples from me, and once he even tried pricking my arm with a needle! Dude’s insane.
When I tried airing my grievances to other criminals during community hours, they all told me different stories about him, things he’s done, things he’s been locked up for. Turns out, he’s a legend. Remember The Great Blackout of ‘88? Well, I don’t either, I was much too young—but that was all Mick. He syphoned the entire state of Kentucky’s electric for a total of 54 hours! And still to this day, no one knows what he was doing with it. He’s done many other bizarre, unbelievable things, countless really, but it’d take a book to list them all.
Hey, now that’s not a bad idea… perhaps he’ll let me write his biography? To be published after he’s dead, of course, to avoid spending the rest of his life incarcerated… I’ll bring it up next time I see him.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that if there’s anyone on Earth who could rip this arachnid curse right out of me, I knew it’d be my old cellmate, Mick the Fixxxer. So, here we are.
As I type this, I’m sitting in a swivel chair, like the ones you might see in a barbershop, and staring at a tray full of severed body parts—all things that have been extracted from my body, but weren’t part of my actual body. Eyeballs, little hairy twitchy legs, and sharp teeth that all surfaced within the last couple weeks. He even found some nasty stuff deep inside that hadn’t made it’s way through my skin just yet.
I won’t get into all the gory details. Last time I did that, I lost six subscribers! Not sure why someone with a queasy stomach would subscribe to Doom Fiction in the first place, cause creepy and disgusting is about 85% of what we do around these parts, but… it happens, clearly.
Alright, well there’s plenty left of this newsletter to enjoy, so I’ll let you get to it. I’m gonna take it easy, rest my eyes a bit. I’m glad I’m back to only having two of them!
Enjoy this week’s newsletter!
“Tupelo Blues”
John Lee Hooker
Last Week / This Week
“Choose-Your-Own-Mindfuck: A Night in the Eighth Block Tower” is live! Thanks to everyone who’s been playing along so far! It’s never too late to join in on the fun, click here to get started. What is this madness?? This interactive adventure allows the unique opportunity to explore one of the weirdest, most disturbing (sentient?) buildings in all of fiction, but be careful not to become a permanent resident in the process! See how it all works here, then start reading!
ALL SUBSCRIBERS: On this week’s episode of Storytime!, Connor Brannigan will be reading the original short story that inspired me to write The Doom Magnetic Trilogy. It’s weird, creepy fun—all the things you could possibly hope for in a Doom Fiction tale! Be sure to check out “The Man With the Cue-Ball Eye” when it drops on Monday!
PAID SUBSCRIBERS: Thanks to everyone who participated in the super secret NEW MOON SALE (a DOOM FICTION first!) on Thursday! Paid subscribers had an opportunity to win a pair of Bedlam Bible first editions (incredibly rare/limited print run from 2016/2017)! Those orders were shipped yesterday morning. If you were one of the three winners, congrats! I didn’t notify the winners. I figured it’d be more fun to do it Wonka Bar-style. Who got a golden ticket?
VIP SUBSCRIBERS: You’ve been getting to read early drafts of “Choose Your Own Mindfuck: An Night in Eighth Block Tower” chapters, including several chapters that belong in alternate storylines (not the storyline subscribers have chosen to follow)! I’ve been enjoying the nice Fall weather (my favorite time of year), so I’ve been handwriting this one. Hopefully you all can read that chicken scratch! Haha…Want to see a behind-the-scenes look at how stories are written—warts and all? Become a VIP subscriber today!
Oddities Theater
Scanners: The Showdown (also known as Scanner Cop II) is a 1995 American science fiction film directed by Steve Barnett. It is the sequel to Scanner Cop and the fifth film in the Scanners series. Daniel Quinn returns as a psychic police officer who searches for a serial killer who targets other psychics. (Wikipedia)
Synopsis: A demonic 'scanner' terrorizes Los Angeles and the only person who can stop him may not have the neurons for the job. (IMDB)
The October Country, Pt. 2
If there’s one thing I can’t resist, it’s a thing in a jar.
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