Issue V
From the Desk of William Pauley III
Greetings from The Windy City—Chicago, Illinois!
Initially, I was drawn here by a live performance by Fever Ray (a bucket list item for me—she did not disappoint!), however when I first got to the city, I immediately drove out to Montrose Beach. I was craving a relaxing day in the sand and sun, and those hours at the beach gave me everything I was looking for.
Perched up on some cozy spot near the shoreline, l looked out at those beautiful rippling waters of Lake Michigan and was half-tempted to jump in, but the water was too frigid.
I should've assumed as much, for when I first drove into the city, the temperature dropped about 20 degrees, as cool winds rolled right off the lake and hummed through the streets. The lake was an icebox. Much too cold for warm blooded creatures.
So, why were there two men standing inside it, waist-deep, acting as if the cold didn't bother them in the slightest?
They looked to be about in their mid-sixties, and the smaller one was so cold his skin had faded to a pale gray, but even still, he gave no other indication of actually feeling the cold. They just stood there, hip to hip, and stared back at the shoreline, completely still. It was so bizarre. I couldn't look away from them.
I watched for hours, convinced they were never going to come out of that ice water, but just as I started to pack my things and head out to the show, they not only returned to the shore, but they walked straight up to me and asked me for a ride to Kansas City.
I wasn't going to Kansas City, so I did what any decent person would've done in that scenario, I invited them to stay in my hotel room, then drove them out to Kansas City the next morning. We're headed there now.
They seem like nice fellas, kinda strange, but then again, who isn't? Turns out their gray skin wasn’t skin at all, just a mask! That just goes to prove that most ‘paranormal encounters’ can be explained through deductive reasoning.
I know, I know…that doesn’t explain a damn thing about their penchant for the cold, but I'm working on it. More on that next week. I have some driving to do.
Until then, I hope you enjoy this week's newsletter!
Fever Ray
The Kentucky Meat Shower
On the morning of March 3rd, 1876, a farmer’s wife was sitting on the porch of her old Kentucky home, making bars of soap (of all things), when she heard a sickening splat somewhere out in the front yard. At first, she wrote it off to one of the many strange farm sounds she’d been accustomed to hearing all her life, but after a second and third splat, she knew something was wrong.
By then, the dogs were all looking up at the sky and barking like mad. She was too frightened to leave the porch, so she kept watch from a distance. Curious pink and red objects kept falling from the sky, and so many all at once that she referred to the occurrence as a ‘shower.’ One of these objects fell right before her feet, and she used her cane to inspect it.
It was a slab of meat. Grisly meat. Chunks of it rained down on her farm for several minutes before letting up. Several minutes. Think about how long of a time frame that really is, especially in terms of meat showers!
She shouted for her husband, and he arrived just in time to see the tail end of it coming down. He called over a few of his buddies to ask of their opinion. Surprisingly (to me, anyway), a couple of them actually picked the meat up with their bare hands and pushed the raw little morsels into their mouths.
Even though the meat was reported to have resembled beef in appearance, the taste test leaned more towards deer or lamb. Whatever it was, the farmer and his wife took it as a sign from God to stop raising cattle for slaughter. Thankfully, though, for our sake (we need answers, damn it!), they had enough sense to call the authorities, who had the meat properly analyzed in a lab.
Once the meat had undergone a series of tests, the lab was able to confirm it was lung tissue, belonging to either—get this—a horse OR a human infant.
Now, if that doesn’t have the little hairs on your arm standing up on end, then I don’t know what will.
There have been many theories over the years attempting to explain this unsettling ‘meat shower,’ but the most convincing by far is the buzzard theory. As we all know, buzzards are those gigantic black birds who chow down on fresh corpses rotting under the sun. They fly around in packs, and have a peculiar defense mechanism for when they feel threatened: they empty their stomachs.
So, the theory is that a pack of buzzards were flying over the farm that morning, became startled by something, then proceeded to regurgitate several corpses worth of meat, mid-air, right on top of their old Kentucky farm.
Makes sense, but I kind of liked how I felt before it was explained rationally. That’s the trouble with paranormal stuff. Too many people trying to figure it out.
Oddities Theater
Pulse is a 2006 American horror film written by Wes Craven and Ray Wright, and directed by Jim Sonzero. It is a remake of Kiyoshi Kurosawa's 2001 Japanese horror film Kairo. The film stars Kristen Bell, Ian Somerhalder and Christina Milian. (Wikipedia)
Synopsis: When their computer hacker friend accidentally channels a mysterious wireless signal, a group of co-eds rally to stop a terrifying evil from taking over the world. (IMDB)
Last Week / This Week
I keep a daily planner to keep up with writing goals, substack posts, and miscellaneous life stuff. I’m usually very good about keeping it updated, but last week I failed to add my Chicago to Kansas City road trip and it really threw me off my game. That, combined with Holus Bolus edits and the fact that last week’s story (“Bad Blood”) unexpectedly marched into novella length (I seriously thought it would be 6,000 words, at most), “The Plant People” story wasn’t even thought about, let alone written. So, with “Bad Blood” now finished, I’m hoping I’ll have better luck with “The Plant People” this coming week. *fingers crossed*
Storytime! — Last week was our first ever Storytime, and it seemed to go pretty great! Lots of you tuned in. Hopefully you dug the story. If you haven’t had the chance to listen to it, you can check that out here.
This coming Monday, Connor will be reading a love story about a man and a blood-sucking VCR, entitled “$5 Electric Suzie,” available to all subscribers. Don’t miss it!
Holus Bolus — This Tuesday, monthly paid subscribers will be able to read the next part of the mind-bending murder mystery, Holus Bolus! If you want to catch up before the big reveal, subscribe today!
Skull Candy
Things I’m Currently Stuffing Into My Head
The Video Archives Podcast by Quentin Tarantino, Roger Avary, & Gala Avary / Fool’s Paradise (Day) / Poker Face - Season One (Rian Johnson) / Ring by Koji Suzuki